Tuesday, August 28, 2018

When you get married at an early age!

The trend today is to marry quite late, at a suitable age of 27 to 30 years mostly; for guys maybe a little more too. But there are so many of us, who still get married at a delicate age of the early 20’s. This could be because of family/societal pressure, or you have found your Mr.Right and there is no reason to wait any more, or you have been planning your big day ever since you were 5 years old. I am from this latter category too, got married when I was 23 years old – which I believe is quite early given today’s day and age.

I was not very career-oriented or ambitious back then. Had completed my graduation at 21 with no inclination or desire to study further and had joined my father’s business to assist him and basically not sit at home and get bored to death or have my mother make me set-up camp in the kitchen (not much of a cooking person either, you see).

All this while, my then boyfriend – now husband and I were going strong; we’d meet on Sundays, chat and it was all good. Being from a Marwari family, the only aim for my parents was to find a good guy and get me married off. They never forced me to become a doctor or lawyer, nor did they compare me with other cousins of mine who were more ambitious.

I did try my hands at customized gifting business though – homemade chocolates, desserts, greetings, gift bags and boxes and other customized gifting. But I was not making much profit, and more importantly I did not have help; so after a couple of wedding orders I quit. How much chocolate can one make alone, before they start hating the colour brown!

Soon my parents were hunting (Not literally) guys for me. Relatives forwarding biodatas, parents showing me photos. All this while they were very much aware that I have a boyfriend. When things got out of hands, I told my boyfriend (he is 3 years elder to me) all about what was going on at my home, and the furious person he is, told me let’s get married. 23 and 26 is early but not abnormally early also.

After coaxing, emotionally blackmailing, negotiating (the negotiation being that if later in life I regret my mistake it’s all on me) – my family finally nodded their head to say a yes to this relationship. The wedding was a one-day affair and went without any drama.

We completed 5 years to tying a knot back in November 2017. At 28 and 31 respectively, me and the husband still love each other a lot – we have seen a lot together in these 5 years – had a baby, saw massive fights, I had a sudden vocational ambition and took it up and have been a social media manager since about 4 years now.

We have evolved and changed a lot – obviously in appearance but also our personality. I am more confident, work-oriented but also don’t enjoy crowded parties or late nights anymore – which I used to before. He on the other end hasn’t changed as much as I have but is less mushy and more practical and loves his late nights and party scenes. This brings a obvious gap in our interests and what to do together. It’s not like we had the same interests almost a decade back when we first met, no. But then we wanted to impress each other and tried to show interest in each other’s hobbies.

What I am trying to say here is, that when you marry at an early age when you are still molding as a person; maybe later on when you’re different people there will be indifferences leading to arguments or lack of understanding. Whereas, I don’t know how right I am – maybe it’s easier once you are already older and there are fewer changes in personality? Maybe couples who married later in life would be able to answer that. The key here to a happy marriage is then to accept the partner how they are and find atleast 1 or 2 activities that both would enjoy together. And very importantly, taking a short break together – just the 2 of you – without the kiddo too!